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REMOTE ROMANCE

A couple that had been married for over 20 years were lying in bed when the wife felt her husband's hands roaming all over her body. This was most unusual but she was enjoying the feeling as his fingers moved from her neck to the small of her back. Then he slowly worked his hand over her breasts stopping just below her stomach and then sliding back over each leg.

The anticipation was driving her crazy as he started at her ankle and rubbed his hands up her thighs. Just as she was about to explode he suddenly rolled over and began watching the television.

"Sorry if I bothered you but I couldn't find the remote!" he announced 

By: Giz
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Newfie Medical Dictionary
  1. Cat Scan - looking for kitty
  2. Cauterize - made eye contact with her
  3. Barium - what happens when you die
  4. Dilate - to live long
  5. Fester - quicker than someone else
  6. Impotent - distinguished
  7. Enema - not a friend
  8. Fibula - small lie
  9. Labor Pain - hurt at work
  10. Nitrates - cheaper than day rates
  11. Outpatient - fainted
  12. Pelvis - second cousin to Elvis
  13. Rectum - nearly killed him
  14. Secretion - hiding something
  15. Terminal illness - getting sick at an airport
  16. Urine - opposite of you're out
By: Lynn
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Little Johnny

During a health class the teacher asked the class what are the two uses of a man's penis. After Mary responded to this question correctly Johnny began waving his hand furiously and was not going to be ignored.

With some trepidation she told Johnny to put down his hand and he responded with, "There are actually three things a man can do with it."

"What else could there be?" the teacher asked

"The other day I saw my dad in the washroom brushing mommy's teeth with his!" 

By: Grapes
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Good Manners

A teacher was explaining proper manners to her young students. "Michael if you were out on a date with a young lady how would you tell her that you had to go to the bathroom?"

"Just a minute I have to go pee."

"That would be rude and impolite."

"Sherman what would you say to her?"

"I'm really sorry but I really need to go to the bathroom."

"That's better but still not nice to mention the bathroom."

"Johnny, can you please use your brain for once and explain good manners to the class?"

"Sure teach, I would quietly say, Darling may I please be excused for moment? I have to shake hands with a dear friend of mine, whom I am hoping to introduce you to on our way home."

By: Budgie
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Frog & Princess

Once upon a time in a land far away a beautiful Princess happened upon a frog while sitting by an unpolluted pond. The frog suddenly hopped onto her lap and said, "Beautiful Princess, I was once a handsome Prince until an evil witch cast a spell on me. One kiss from your sweet lips and I will turn back in to the dapper young man that I am and we can marry and live in your castle together with your mother where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, have my children, feed my troops, and sit at my feet after you have properly serviced me.

That very night as the Princess dined sumptously on lightly sauteed frogs legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she smiled and thought to herself, "I dont f....ng think so!"

By: BIGGSIE
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