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Night Classes for Men - Adult Learning Centre

Attendance is mandatory prior to wedding day - no exceptions

  1. How to fill up ice cube trays without spilling - step by step instructions - Week nights at 10 pm to Midnight - 4 week program
  2. The toilet paper roll. How does it work? - 6 week program for beginners at 5 pm - Tues & Thurs
  3. Why lift the toilet seat? - 10 week program from 6 tp 7 pm - Wed
  4. Why the laundry hamper is better than the floor - practices held in the gym Sun at 4pm
  5. Dinner dishes - how they got there and why they are in the sink - Mon & Wed at 9pm
  6. The emotional impact of losing the remote - group therapy available - Sunday afternoon at 3 pm
  7. Why things are not where you know you left them - discussion group Sat at 6 pm until happy
  8. How to carry flowers in front of others - support group meets Fridays at 4 pm - discounts available from FTD
  9. Why women ask for directions? - not a credit course - only one hour if you think you need it
  10. Why women cannot parallel park? Helmets, ear plugs, and safety equipment required - Sundays at 3 pm
  11. The difference between mothers and wives - role playing and guessing allowed - Mon ay 6 to 10 pm
  12. How to shop for 8 hours without stopping - graduate course - meditation and pilates are required prerequisites - Sat 2 to 10 pm
  13. Why the oven is for more than storage - engineers will be teaching this course - don't attemp to use the controls until certified - Tuesdays at 4 pm

Diplomas will be issued upon graduating from any 2 of these courses. Some courses are available online at www.whipped.com  

By: Chrissy
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Irish Confessional

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church and enters the confessional booth. Father O'Riley coughs a few times but the drunk says nothing. After awhile the priest pounds three times on the wall.

The drunk grumbles, "Keep the noise down. There ain't no use knockin' there's no paper here. Yer on yer own!"

By: Paddy
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Last Request

Mary Clancy goes up to Father Grady after his morning service, and she's in tears.

"What's bothering you Mary?" he asks. She says, "Oh Father, I've got terrible news. My husband john passed away last night."

"That's terrible Mary, did John make any last requests?"

"That he did Father"

"What dis he say Mary?"

"He said, Please Mary, put down that damn gun!"

By: Mary
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Death by Guiness

Tim Finnegan arrived at Brenda O'Malley's door at dinner time. "Brenda, may I come in?"

Of course Tim, you are always welcome but where is Shamus? "That's what I am here to be telling ya, Brenda. There was an accident at the Guiness brewery."

"Oh God no!" cries Brenda, "Please don't tell me my beautiful Shamus is gone"

"I must Brenda, your husband is dead and gone."

"How did it happen?"

"It was terrible Brenda, we went to pick up our friend Michael just as his shift at Guiness was ending for the night and Shamus fell in a vat and drowned."

"Oh my dear Jesus! You must tell me the truth Tim. Did he at least go quickly without any pain?"

"Well ....Brenda........No, in fact he got out three times to pee!" 

By: The Old JC
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Fly a Kite!

A husband is in his backyard trying to fly a kite, he has been throwing it up in the air many times but it stays up for a just a few seconds each time. His wife is watching him from the window and can't believe what she is seeing. He is not doing it the right way like everything else he does.

She yells out, "You need a piece of tail!"

He yells back, "Make up your mind. That's what I asked for last night and you told me to go fly a kite!" 

By: Katie
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