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Garage Door

The boss walked into the office one morning not realizing that his pant's zipper was down. His assistant noticed and said, "Did you close your garage door this morning?" He told her that he had and was puzzled by her question until he sat down and saw the opening.

He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk and asked, "When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked there?"

She smiled and responded, "No I didn't, all I saw was an old minivan with two flat tires!"  

By: COOKIE
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Old Age

Two elderly gentlemen were sitting on a bench. "Slim, I'm 83 tomorrow and I'm just full of aches and pain. I know you are older than me. "How do you feel?"

"I feel like a newborn baby!" Slim responded.

"How can that be?" his friend asked

"It's simple, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet myself!"

By: GORDIE
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Nice Nurse

A student nurse found an elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on a hospital bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted that he did not need any help to leave the hospital.

The young nurse felt she had to enforce the rules she had been taught and would not leave until he sat in the wheelchair. He reluctantly allowed her to wheel him into the elevator and out the front door. She asked him if his wife was going to meet him and he replied, "I don't know, she's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown and won't know where I am."

By: Bubba T
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OLD COUPLE

An old couple in their 90s had been advised by their children to write things down so that they wouldn't forget what they were doing but the old man refused and it frustrated his wife.

The old man is heading for the kitchen and he asks if she wants anything. "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" "Sure" he says. "Don't you think you should write that down?" she asks. "No I can remember that." "Well I would like some strawberries and whipped cream with it."

He responds, "My goodness I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream."

She is really impressed with his memory, until 20 minutes later he returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment then says, "Where is my toast!"

By: R BURNS
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Are you kidding?

A woman trying to spice up her sex life with her husband had read in Cosmo that crotchless underwear would work.

On a weekend evening when they were alone she showered, put on her favourite perfume, a sexy negligee and then slowly walked past her husband watching television. Timing it perfectly, she threw open her negligee and lifted her leg suggestively on the arm of his chair and purred softly, "Want some of this Big Boy?"

"Are you kidding? Look at what it did to your underwear!!"

By: WAYNE
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